Hypothetically, if a girl were to ask for a dickpic to get revenge for her boyfriend’s wandering eye, should one be flattered she thought you were good enough to make him jealous or offended at the morals she must assume you have?
i listened to exclusively Weird Al Yankovic between 3rd and 6th grade and i think we can trace most of my social issues back to that.
some homeless guy asked me for change today on the street, and somehow I messed up saying that i didn’t have any and he was thanking me anyway and long story short i just ended up winking, giving him a thumbs up, and power walking away.
i’m sitting here and i really have to pee but i don’t want to get up so i just grabbed the chip-clip from my bag of cheetos and clamped my dick with it. this feels somehow revolutionary.
Once, before a keyboard, greasy, while I pondered, fat and queasy,
Over many a lame and stupid posting on an imageboard,
As I right-clicked, nearly NEET-ing, suddenly there came a bleating,
As of someone gently tweeting, tweeting something I abhorred.
“‘Tis some stupid n00b,” I muttered, “shitting up my imageboard,”
Quoth the porn ads, “ASIAN WHORES.”
Ah, distinctly, I’m reminded, even Google could not find it,
Only memes and macros posted scores and scores of times before,
Eagerly I hoped for OC, vainly looked through glasses, rosy,
For some lulz to make me cozy - stall me from the ‘dom of Bore -
From proclaiming, loud and desperate, Boredom had transfixed my core -
Wait, did that say Asian Whores?
And the rapping tap of QWERTY, now at once so disconcerting,
Thrilled me, filled me with fantastic rage I’d never felt before.
So that now, to still the shaking of my hands, I shouted, quaking,
“ALL THESE FUCKING N00BS SHITPOSTING ON MY GLORIOUS IMAGEBOARD,
GODDAMN N00BS SHITPOSTING TUMBLR JUNK UPON MY IMAGEBOARD,
THIS SITE’S JUST BULLSHIT ANYMORE.”
Presently, my wrath grew stronger, and my hands, restrained no longer,
“Douche,” typed I, “Or fag your banning, of the mods I now implore,
For the fact is, you are cancer, posting shit which wants no answer,
Fucking fairy homoprancer, prancer with a butt so sore,
And I’m sure that you’re a brony,” this I thought would start a war.
“Check ‘em” then, and nothing more.
Sternly watching boards and peering, long I sat there, raging, fearing,
Seething, swearing curses that no mortal ever swore before,
But the thread was pruned, deleted; I presumed my foe defeated,
And, because I was conceited, began a thread that just said, “score.”
This I posted, and received reply that just requested, “moar,
Shoe on head,” and nothing more.
Back to blueboards now returning, all my rage within me burning,
Soon again I saw the shitposts, but more frequent than before,
“Surely,” said I, “Surely those are just some stupid Leddit posers,”
Pulling then my keyboard closer, “or some fags from Imgur,
Let my fingers flutter freely, and board culture soon restore,
‘Tis 9Fag, and nothing more!”
Open here I tabbed the thread, and though at first I thought it dead,
In there came a famous tripfag from a lesser imageboard,
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of m00t or mod he posted boldly with an avatar.
With a goddamn Chinese cartoon loli bullshit avatar.
Posted thus, and nothing more.
Much I loathéd this perverted weeb who thus the rules subverted,
By the bright and pedo nature of the countenance it wore,
“Though thy code has notoriety, thine posts lack in much variety,
And in this most veiled society, you otakus we deplore,
Tell me why my filter shouldn’t your disgusting posts ignore?”
Quoth the tripfag, “BRBRBR?”
If you want to make a character in a story seem endearingly adorable, make them like pie a whole bunch. This is an infallible technique, I have done many studies.